marketing genius

So I'm in the grocery store today and I see multiple items with the label "NOW BETTER TASTING".  So, let me see, the shit that you were giving us before tasted like shit, you knew it tasted like shit, but you still sold it. So now for some reason in your divine benevolence you have deemed us worthy of the good shit. I mean, is that what people learn when they go to college and study marketing? I am still incredulous as to the thought process that went down. the conversation must have gone like this:

Head Honcho Guy: "So, we make food products, have done so for 40 years, sales are down, we need a new idea to increase revenue."

Marketing Guy: "I got it, we call everything better tasting."

Head Honcho Guy: "I love it."

While I was in Alaska the weather people used to predict that the high temperature would be be between 30 and 45 degrees. That's a 15 degree difference! WTF! They went to college for that! Shit I could predict that for free if I had a 15 degree window to operate in.

HUMP YOU LIKE A SPATULA

So when I was a kid I used to worry about sleeping next to the window because someone might throw a brick through the window and boom, there I am. I was like, 5 or 6 at the time.

I don't believe in goblins or ghosts or monsters in the closet or shit like that, I know nothing is coming to get me from the dark, but I am 30 years old and I still cannot sleep if any part of my body is hanging off the bed.

So every woman I've ever been involved with does the same thing: Are you hungry? Do you want to go here? The thing is that they want to do those things but by asking if you want to do it then it becomes your idea.

Chicks dig two things: scars and stuffed animals.

When trees pee, everyone calls it "sap"