Teenage Olympics

So I know that people that have teenagers go through a lot with the huffing and puffing and all that jazz. So I got to thinking since we allow teenagers in the olympics, we should have olympics just for them. I mean we have some for people with down syndrome and shit so why not consider lack of of common sense and gratitude a disability as well.

Events could include, but are not limited to:  

The Door Slam: Contestants will not only slam a wooden but a metal door as well, and the final round will consist of attempting to slam a bank vault door.

The Sigh-Off: Participants will attempt to sigh as many times and as loudly as possible within the time limit.

The Bad Hair Choice: Contestants will have five minutes to look through magazines and after wards decide the dumbest, most ridiculous hairstyle they can come up with. Judges will include parents, teachers, and random strangers with a modicum of style.

The "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!" Event: Events will include sniffing paint, putting vodka in your eyeball, shaving curse words in the hair, driving while texting/talking to friends, and changing the Mp3 player settings. Time permitting, discussions on not getting pregnant if the month has an "R" in it.  


The No-Sense-of-Personal-Responsibility Event: Participants will attempt to devise excuses as to homework not being turned in, the dishes not being done, and why the dog has not water and just peed on the floor.

The Guilt Event: In a timed event contestants will have to convince their parents how horrible they are for making them come out of their room to eat and go to school. Bonus points will be awarded if the parents are made to cry and /or purchase more items to assuage their guilt.


Since every teenager "has" something these days drug testing will not be necessary, although any participant not currently taking medication must have something wrong with them as yet undiagnosed and therefore will be given drugs at the event.

The only participants to these events will be American  as contestants from other countries will be so enamored with the idea of electricity they would be distracted by the light switches at the arena.