Open letter

To: Whom it may concern

Re: Saturn vehicles

Sub: DUMBASSES

           To the spawn of satan engineers to designed the saturn line of vehicles, I recently had the displeasure of attempting to perform maintenance on one of your demon-cars from hell. As I am not a mechanic, I had no idea that the common sense, what every other fucking car in the world looks like approach would not work on your ode to evil automobile. After somehow finding the part that needed replacing by doing a Google search, I was able to locate one half of the bolt needed to remove said part. But, as I would quickly find out morons, the other bolt was located in such a manner that the only way to see it, much less put a wrench to it, would be to go back in time, make my mother drink heavily during her pregnancy, and be born a midget. Upon dealing with the D students at the auto parts store, and finding out that ovals and squares do indeed look different, as most of learned from sesame street, I was able to get the correct part installed. But wait ass-clowns, there's more. After getting the right part installed, I was still not able to get the belt on. You know, that part that you retards decided was too easy to get on and off so you made it not work like, i dunno, EVERY OTHER GODDAMN CAR IN THE UNIVERSE! I apologize for yelling, I realize you people are probably drooling and/or beating your head on the floor right now, so any loud noise just makes you think the tv is on too loud. I will finish with this, I am not a praying man, but I pray that every time you get a stomach ache, it is God rearranging your organs, so that when you are involved in a catastrophic accident, and the doctors try to open you to save your life, they are met with your heart where your spleen should be, your stomach under your left arm, and you intestines in your head. THAT, my brain damaged friends, is what you call divine justice.

meyatt

fun times

So, you're sitting there on the internet and can't figure out what to look at? Here are some ideas:




Go to a retail website, such as walmart or best buy, and type in words like "pussy" or "fuck" in the search box

Think up the craziest sexual ideas you can, and do a google images search of those ideas

Create fake email accounts, and send dirty messages to all your friends

Sign in to message boards on say, CNN or FOX, and leave rambling posts about how walnuts have ruined america forever

Create fake profiles on dating websites that list as hobbies, "looking for houses with a well, will provide lotion"