Gimme a hat!

I have developed a theory, that I will put forth here, that says animals of all types, only fight each other for one reason. The desire for hats. I think that when you see for example, two wolves fighting each other, what do you see> A lot of snarling, growling, and even biting one another. "Scientists" and "wildlife experts" would say it's over territory, or mating, or even food.  I say consider this possibility: Wolf A is walking along the forest, looking for a hat to wear. He comes upon another wolf, Wolf B, also looking for a hat. Now, wolf A thinks to himself, "I bet that other wold has a hat for me to wear, and I would like to get it from them." The problem is that Wolf B, being approached by Wolf A, thinks that he has a hat that Wolf B wouldn't like, and therefore, growls and snarls at the other wolf to scare them away, and their poor fashion sense. The natural reaction of the first wolf, Wolf A, is that the second wolf does in fact have a hat, and is just being selfish. Now, at this point, you're saying to yourself, "how do wolves even understand the concept of hats to being with?" It's a very good question. Now, you are watching these two wolves fight each other and if you're an "expert" you deduce that it must over something like food or mating, and don't even consider the option of truth as I call it, that the fight is over hats. Dogs and cats fight for this reason, as dogs instinctively feel as though cats are possessing better hats, and they want them. You say to yourself, why do some animals like, "predators" eat other animals instead of just holding them down and attempting hat theft? My theory id that for example, an owl, upon catching a mouse, and realizing the mouse must be hiding the hat, (it's not wearing it) and so the owl figures the mouse must have swallowed the hat, and must be opened to find it. Upon finding no hat, the owl thinks to itself, it's hungry, and might as well eat the remainder of the mouse, sans hat. Now, you might be saying to yourself, this is all a bunch of ridiculous bullshit, and Matt is an idiot.



Well, find the nearest animal, conduct a thorough interview, and prove me wrong...